I shaved my head on Monday and my attempt to assemble the garden trellis failed. The joints were not strong enough and their tolerances were too tight. Nothing feels like it’s going as planned right now.

But I’ll do what it takes. I’m designing, building and sharing endless projects in an attempt to build a community during quarantine. I’ve worked 60-90 hour weeks for years at a time until I learned that very valuable life lesson. I’ve found myself on a 10 day silent meditation retreat and wanted more. My wardrobe is a minimalist’s dream sprinkled with colorful, queer accessories. And my diet completely removes sugar, gluten, soy, and dairy with meat on special occasions. I also stopped drinking alcohol last October in yet another move to heal my body, which has honestly been the most difficult.

I guess I’m obsessive. I honestly don’t care to judge it. So why do I do all this?

I do it because I want to be rich, swol and enlightened. More embarrassingly, I believe it’s possible.

My chronic health condition has been my cocktail-hour explanation for why I go to these ‘extreme’ measures or make these sacrifices. My health concern helps keep my practice consistent, but my drive comes from a different place. I truly want to be rich, swol and enlightened.

But wait, don’t we all? Isn’t that the purpose of being here. Or is this a millennial trap? Nikki Fre$h doesn’t seem so outlandish to me. It may be the greatest thing I’ve watched in my almost 35 years of life on this warming planet. 

I also relate to Jim Carrey’s recent character in Kidding way more than I care to admit. Sometimes it feels like I’m having a mental breakdown and other times it feels like I’m another step closer to enlightenment. Is that the quarantine speaking? Or is that not how we all feel when we stop numbing ourselves with TV (so tasty), booze (extra tasty), food (the tastiest) or whatever other thing you turn to (achem…drugs, sex and video games)?

I like all those things. Most I still partake. I now do them a lot more thoughtfully, most of the time anyway. And that’s what’s providing access for me to get into making and doing. My creativity is bursting through and it’s opening a community around Neon Fabrications. Between feeling overwhelmed by the gravity of the present moment, I’m getting inspired with the right here, right now.

I no longer wonder why, but I do wonder where this train is headed.

With care,

“We’re magical, we create magic. And yet, at the same time, so much of it is born out of this desperate need to find peace. To get to that place where everything’s going to be all right. We’re addicted to unfinished-ness.”
– Jim Carrey

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